Christian Marriage in the House of Islam

CONTENTS

List of Abbreviations xi
Acknowledgements xiii
About the Authors and Editors xix

Foreword
Bishop Dr Yassir Eric xv
Introduction
Parsa Zarin Ghalam and Pat Brittenden 1

PART ONE: NAVIGATING CULTURAL, LEGAL, AND RELATIONAL CHALLENGES IN MARRIAGE
1. The Husband and Wife in Two Worlds: Navigating Afghan BMB Marriages
Arley Loewen and Khalil 15
2. Challenges BMBs Face in Marriage in Muslim-majority Contexts: Insights from Togo and West Africa
Abou Sama 31
3. Breaking the Silence: The Hidden Struggles of BMB Marriages in the Context of Türkiye
Ali and Pervin Kalkandelen with Parsa Zarin Ghalam 45
4. Between Faith and Law: The Duality of Legal Challenges Faced by Iranian BMBs in Marriage
Iran Azad-Andish 59
5. Redefining Roles: The Marital Journey of Iranian BMB Couples in Diaspora
Robert Asirsians 73
6. ‘You Can Get Another Wife, but Never Another Mother’: Challenges for Marriages of Uzbek Christ-Followers
Trent and Omon 83

PART TWO: WOMEN’S PERSPECTIVES
7. Reversing the Cycle: Women’s Perspectives on Restoring
BMB Marriages in Central Asia
Vivian Rawlins and Aynura 97
8. Faith, Culture, and Marriage: The Untold Stories of BMB Women in Bangladesh
Mosammat Suraiyea Begum 111

PART THREE: SINGLENESS AND FINDING A PARTNER
9. Finding a Marriage Partner: Challenges for Somali BMBs
Abebe W. Bayou 127
10. Navigating Singleness and Finding a Spouse for BMBs in Communal North Africa
Ayman and Sophia with Pat Brittenden 137

PART FOUR: MIXED MARRIAGES
11. The Interwoven Lives: BMBs and Mixed Marriages in the
Arab Middle East
Sama Adam 151
12. A Journey Towards Acceptance: BMBs in Mixed Marriages in Manipur, India
Zeeneta Cobb 165

PART FIVE: PASTORAL, THEOLOGICAL, AND MISSIOLOGICAL RESPONSES
13. Towards Healing, Hope, and Resilience: Pastoral Reflections on BMB Marriages
Parsa Zarin Ghalam 183
14. Concluding Theological and Missiological Reflections on BMB Marriages
Pat Brittenden and Parsa Zarin Ghalam 199

Afterword: A Call to Action
Tim Green 215

Bibliography 221

An Invitation to Partner with Hikma 229

ABOUT THE AUTHORS AHD EDITORS

Abebe W. Bayou
Abebe serves in Ethiopia and surrounding Muslim-majority countries as a facilitator, curriculum developer, and learning specialist. He holds a bachelor’s degree in theology and master’s degrees in adult education, educational leadership, and Christian–Muslim relations. He is married with three children. He is a PhD candidate in curriculum and comparative studies at Addis Ababa University.

Abou Sama (PhD)
Abou, a follower of Christ from a Sunni Muslim background in Togo, once opposed the Christian faith embraced by his family before experiencing a personal and transformative encounter with Christ. He later served the Togolese church through broadcasting, leadership training, and equipping BMBs across West Africa. For nearly 20 years, he and his wife, Cecile, worked with SIL/Wycliffe as a linguist and anthropologist, also holding national and international leadership roles. He has authored articles and co-edited Language in the Mission of God (SIL, 2025). Abou now serves with Shelter Now International, leading outreach to unreached people groups in Africa. He holds a PhD in linguistics, a master’s degree in anthropology, and a bachelor’s degree in theology. Abou and Cecile have three children.

Ali and Pervin Kalkandelen
Ali and Pervin Kalkandelen are BMBs who serve in church leadership and Christian ministry in Türkiye. Together, they studied counselling at Denver Seminary and have been active in Christian ministry for over three decades. Ali has contributed to local congregations and has participated in national and international networks supporting emerging church leaders and communities from Muslim backgrounds. Married for 31 years and parents of two children, they continue to build bridges between faith communities and provide mentoring and training opportunities in Türkiye and beyond.

Arley Loewen (PhD)
Arley Loewen has lived and served among the people of Afghanistan since 1981. Arley specialises in Persian-Afghan cultures, with a master’s degree in Persian literature (Pakistan, 1989) and a PhD from the University of Toronto (2000) in Middle Eastern civilisations. Arley co-founded and – until 2022 – directed Pamir Ministries, a media and discipleship ministry for Afghan people. Arley serves as a minister-at-large for the Afghan community worldwide. He and his wife, Janice, run Healthy Family Life seminars for believers from traditional backgrounds. Arley and Janice live in midwest Canada. They have two married daughters and four grandchildren.

Ayman and Sophia
Ayman and Sophia (pseudonyms) live and work in North Africa. They have been ministering for over two decades among North Africans, increasingly with marriage preparation and counselling.

Aynura
Aynura (pseudonym) is Karakalpak, an ethnic group in Uzbekistan, and is married to Omon, whose details appear below. She came to faith and learned English at a young age when her family hosted Americans in their home. She is a mother of four amazing children. Aynura and Omon have been married for 19 years. They have had their own marital struggles dealing with conflicting cultural expectations. A YWAM Discipleship Training School and later training in YWAM’s Foundations for Counselling Ministry prepared them to begin ministering to struggling couples. Currently, Aynura and Omon lead marriage and family conferences and provide intensive marriage counselling and prayer ministry during a live-in week at a marriage restoration home.

Iran Azad-Andish (PhD)
Rev. Dr Iran Azad-Andish (pseudonym) is a missiologist, author, and intercultural trainer with over a decade of experience working among Muslim communities in the Middle East and North America. As a Christian of Muslim heritage, her work focuses on promoting understanding between Muslim and Christian communities, with particular attention to issues of identity and integration among believers of Muslim heritage. She is committed to amplifying marginalised voices and fostering transformative dialogue across faith and cultural boundaries.

Khalil
Khalil was born in 1964 in Kabul, Afghanistan, into a devout Muslim family. He earned a master’s degree in social science and Russian literature from Kiev Pedagogical Institute of Foreign Languages. After returning to Afghanistan, he taught pedagogy before moving to New Delhi as a refugee in 1991. In 1993, while studying the Bible as classic literature, he became a follower of Christ. In 1994 he joined Trans World Radio as a radio presenter. Since migrating to Australia in 1998, he and his wife hosted radio programmes on family and social issues for 14 years. They now host a Christian TV show, Window of Light, sharing Bible-based messages with Afghans worldwide.

Mosammat Suraiyea Begum
Mosammat Suraiyea Begum has master’s degrees in biblical studies (South Asia Institute of Advanced Christian Studies, India) and government and politics (Asian University of Bangladesh). She is a follower of Christ of Muslim heritage and is Academic Dean of the Institute for Classical Languages (ICL) in Dhaka, where she teaches Bible courses and is involved in writing and editing courses for certificate - and diploma-level students. She is also a board member of the New Creation Trust and serves the people of God through teaching and serving the women of the church.

Omon
Omon (pseudonym) was born into a devout Muslim family that taught him to honour a God he didn’t know. A longing in his heart for the true God led him to seek and come to faith at the age of 20. A journey to break generations of spiritual strongholds followed, yet he found a peace and love in Christ that outweighed every cost. A YWAM Discipleship Training School (DTS) deeply shaped his understanding of God’s heart for the nations. After the DTS, he served in an unreached area of his country, sharing Christ’s love with those who had never heard. There, a passion for ministry and family discipleship took root. In 2006, he married Aynura. Coming from different cultural backgrounds, they struggled with communication, emotional connection, and conflict. While participating in YWAM’s Foundations for Counselling Ministry school, God began to heal and transform their marriage. It was a turning point both personally and for the direction of their calling. Since 2013, Aynura and Omon have been focused on building strong, joyful, and restored families in Christ, offering the hope, healing, and biblical principles for life and love they themselves have received. Now with a calling to disciple families, Omon’s heart burns to see generations of believers transformed, strongholds broken, and homes filled with God’s presence.

Parsa Zarin Ghalam (PhD)
Parsa, a BMB, was born and raised in Iran. He holds a PhD in Intercultural Studies from Fuller Theological Seminary. Throughout his academic and professional journey, he has held various leadership roles and contributed significantly to the publication of more than a dozen books and numerous book chapters. In addition, Parsa is the Head of Research and Dissemination at the Hikma Partnership, where he leads efforts to advance research initiatives and share knowledge within the BMB studies field. Parsa also serves as the Head of the Centre for Christian Leadership at Pars Theological Centre, where he is actively engaged in the leadership development of Iranians on a global scale.

Patrick (Pat) Brittenden (PhD)
Pat is a teacher, researcher, and writer. He holds a doctorate from the University of Oxford. Raised in North Africa and now based in Cambridge, UK, he works predominantly with Christians from Muslim backgrounds around the world. He teaches in a range of seminaries and serves as an associate lecturer at the Institut Chrétien d’Algérie. Pat also leads the Hikma Partnership, a network supporting believers of Muslim heritage through research, writing, and publishing (www.hikmapartnership.org/en/). His journey has taken him through classrooms, development work, and cross-cultural ministry – all shaped by a deep love for the global church. He’s married to Kitty and dad to Naama and Nate.

Robert Asirsians
Rev. Robert Asirsians was the director of the Bible school for the Assemblies of God churches in Iran for many years. He is currently a lecturer and faculty member at the Pars Theological Centre and serves as a pastor in the Iranian Christian Fellowship in London. At present, he is pursuing a PhD in practical theology at the Oxford Centre for Mission Studies.

Ross James (PhD)
Over 40 years of ministry, Ross has engaged with faith-based organisations in Asia and Africa to serve marginalised communities through his specialisation in media and communication for health and development. He founded Health Communication Resources and initiated a framework for rapid disaster response, which was later established as First Response Radio. As an academic at Australian universities, his research on media and communication in health promotion, community development, and cross-cultural training methodology was published in peer-reviewed journals and incorporated into a wide range of training materials. In his retirement, Ross serves Hikma as a volunteer copy editor.

Sama Adam
Sama Adam is an emerging scholar from the Middle East whose Muslim heritage shapes her understanding of BMB experience in the MENA region and diaspora. She has a master’s degree in Middle Eastern and North African religions, and is a PhD student in the Protestant Theological University (PThU). Sama is married with one child and is a teacher and church planter with over 16 years of experience in multicultural contexts.

S.T. Antonio
S.T. Antonio (nom de plume) participates in the Great Commission in the Middle East alongside his wife through training, disciple-making, research and writing. He is a graduate of Biola University and a perpetual member of its Torrey Honors College, and he holds MDiv and ThM degrees from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. Antonio is editor-in-chief of the journal, Seedbed: Practitioners in Conversation (seedbedjournal.com), and the author of Insider Church: Ekklesia and the Insider Paradigm (2020, William Carey Publishers).

Tim Green (PhD)
Rev. Dr Tim Green has learned from and walked alongside Christians of Muslim heritage for nearly 50 years, whose friendship has greatly enriched his life. He grew up in the UK and since 1988 has served with Interserve in Pakistan, Jordan and South East Asia, while travelling extensively in the Muslim world. His academic background includes a Bachelor’s degree in Natural Sciences, a Diploma in Religious Studies, an MA in Islamic Societies and Cultures, and a PhD focused on questions of identity among followers of Jesus from Muslim backgrounds in Pakistan. Dr Green is the director of Word of Life which helps the global church to work together with Believers of Muslim Background: learning from their wisdom, helping churches to welcome them, and developing good resources for relevant, relational discipleship. Tim’s publications include Come Follow Me, Joining The Family and other courses. He is married with children and grandchildren.

Trent
Trent (pseudonym) is an American who has spent 30-plus years ministering among Muslims in (formerly Soviet) Central Asia. He has worked extensively in discipleship, training, and mentoring capacities with Central Asian believers. Together with his wife, Vivian Rawlins, he has designed and implemented training courses on a variety of topics, including marriage and parenting. They are currently serving as ‘alongsiders’ to the first generation of Central Asian church leaders.

Vivian Rawlins
Vivian (pseudonym), a third-culture kid (TCK) born in India, developed a heart for Muslims during college. After graduate studies in Bible and ministry at Columbia International University, she joined the Caleb Project to mobilise others towards the unreached. In 1993, she and Trent moved to newly independent Central Asia as pioneers, seeking to see movements of disciples and churches. Over their years of ministry, Vivian has developed various tools relevant to Central Asia on the topics of sowing, disciple making, inner healing, and house church multiplication. During this last decade, Trent and Vivian have transitioned to focus on along-siding first-generation BMBs to encourage, equip, and mentor them in effectively ministering to their own people.

Yassir Eric (PhD)
Bishop Dr. Yassir Eric is a theologian and the Presiding Bishop of the Diocese of Ekkios within the Anglican Communion. He holds an M.A. in Missiology from Columbia International University in the USA, an M.A. in Theology from the University of Heidelberg in Germany, and a doctorate in Theology from the Protestant University of Wuppertal in Germany. He is a Professor of Missiology and Islamic Studies at the Academy for World Mission of Columbia International University in Germany and Director of the European Institute for Migration, Integration, and Islam. Bishop Yassir was consecrated as an Anglican bishop to support the formation of an ecclesiastical structure for the growing global community of believers from Muslim backgrounds. His ministry focuses on pastoring, training, and networking with believers from Muslim backgrounds, both locally and internationally. He also serves on the Hikma Partnership’s Steering Group and is a strong supporter and advocate for HIKMA. He is also the author of several books.

Zeeneta Cobb
Born and raised in northeast India, Zeeneta is a BMB who serves as the director of Neighbours’ Gospel Ministries in Manipur, India. She currently resides in Chiang Mai, Thailand, with her husband, Kendall. Together, they focus on literature printing and distribution across Southeast Asia and beyond. Zeeneta actively mentors BMBs and runs a business that provides skills and job opportunities for new believers facing persecution. Additionally, she serves on the steering group of the Hikma Partnership and contributes part-time at Word of Life for the Southeast Asia region.

I cannot overemphasise how important this book is in trailblazing one of the most important issues of discipleship in the way of Christ: building a healthy marriage. With a tender and gracious approach to the challenges of marriage in multiple settings of the Muslim world, from Asia to Africa, through the Middle East and North Africa, including the diaspora, the authors non-judgmentally analyse the
complexities of marriage and family relationships in numerous contexts. The book will often bring the reader to tears. Importantly, Western marriage norms are not placed on a pedestal but are equally critiqued in the light of biblical teaching. We are at a stage in the church’s growth globally where discipleship is no more viewed as the task of Western missionaries, but where local leaders rise to the challenge of analysing their own cultural sins with maturity and tact. No cultural norms are left unexamined; none are considered above the loving, egalitarian and complementarian, self-giving model of Christ’s love toward his church. This is the ultimate model of married life. Both Western and non-Western disciples of Jesus will want to heed it.
Martin Accad (PhD), President, Professor of Islam and Christian-Muslim Relations, Near East School of Theology, Lebanon

This book is to date the most significant (in both breadth and depth) resource I have come across regarding marriage for believers in Jesus from a Muslim background. The challenges are legion, yet the opportunities are divine and missional. If we can read, digest, and proceed with the humility and hope this book calls for I am certain that Jesus will be ever more glorified in the Muslim world.
Dick Brogden, Co-founder Live Dead, DOXA partnership Global Coordinator

The immense wealth of experience-won spiritual and practical wisdom found in this single book is astounding. Giving voice to the complementary experiences of BMBs from many parts of the Muslim world yields this richly nuanced, profoundly wise guide to (and elucidation of) how to develop strong, Godhonouring marriages within the diverse richness of cultures shaped by Islamic culture and religion globally.
Everyone praying for and trying to develop healthy Christian marriages that transcend the often-negative influence of Islamic culture, society, and religion will turn to this book for guidance. May it be translated into the major languages of the Muslim world. What a treasure house of wisdom! This book promises to be the go-to marriage resource for BMBs and those who walk alongside them for decades.
Don Little (PhD), Missiologist-at-Large with Pioneers, Director and co-host of The Reflexio Podcast, Director of The Lilias Trotter Center, Author, Effective Discipling in Muslim Communities: Scripture, History and Seasoned Practices (IVP Academic, 2015)

A biblically sound and culturally relevant exploration of the gospel’s transformative power on marriage and family life in Muslim contexts. This groundbreaking book masterfully weaves scholarly rigour and personal narratives, honouring complex experiences and voices. May this work become a foundational resource for future believers emerging from Muslim contexts, enriching Christian heritage, and advancing the kingdom.
Faith Ojo (DMin), Training Facilitator, Pioneers Africa, Lecturer, West Africa Advanced School of Theology, Lome, Togo

Sharing the gospel with Muslims and bringing them to Christ is a challenge. But an even greater challenge begins after they receive Christ: helping them experience true transformation in every area of life, including their marriage. Without intentional training in the biblical principles of a Christian marriage, most couples will naturally continue operating from the Islamic model they grew up with. Weak families inevitably lead to weak churches. If we want to strengthen BMB churches and communities, equipping couples to build healthy, biblical marriages is not optional – it is essential.
This book is a unique and much-needed resource that speaks directly to this urgent need. I know there are many books written on how to share the gospel with Muslims, but none that address the deeper question of how to help BMBs build marriages shaped by Scripture rather than culture. That is why I wholeheartedly endorse this book and highly recommend it to both BMBs and all who desire to minister to them effectively and see strong, Christ-centred churches emerge among them.
Hormoz Shariat (PhD), President, Iran Alive Ministries www.IranAlive.org

For many Muslims who convert and who, in most cases, lose their families and friends, it is often very difficult to rebuild a stable life in their newly adopted community. Sometimes the issue of their origins and traditions is raised, as well as the risk this could have on our Christian community. Sometimes, without mentioning it, we maintain a form of suspicion and doubt about this person's true conversion to Jesus Christ. BMBs then find themselves facing a double rejection. The rejection they suffered following their conversion, and the rejection they experience from their new adopted family.
This book accurately addresses this issue by drawing on concrete testimonies from brothers and sisters who, after a period of persecution, face rejection and sometimes the challenge of being accepted by their new family in Christ. But it also serves as a guide for many Christians and church leaders on how to help our brothers and sisters build a stable family and future within their new community.
J Chabouh, IFES Regional Manager for the Middle East and North Africa, author

This work is truly an amazing effort in geographic scope and depth of the issues faced in BMB marriage from cultural and religious background, through partner selection, the wedding, to life as a couple in relationship with the extended family and religious community. Truly a wealth of information to assist those seeking to walk with BMBs. The numerous recommendations to shepherds (whether house or building, BMB or BCB fellowship) are priceless for guiding future ministry. There is repetition, however it serves to highlight challenges that exist across the Muslim world. After the deep dives through the forest, the final chapters provide excellent summaries and synthesis.
The book provides an excellent corrective for those who undervalue the power of culture overly simplifying the application of the implications of the gospel in other cultures in general, and those from other religions in particular, especially from collective cultures. A much greater investment is needed to walk with the first generations towards maturity through the mine fields of religion, family and culture. Those from individualistic cultures cannot fathom the power of culture and heritage in traditional, collective cultures.
The sense of the universal church was refreshing (across communities, cities, countries, regions, and the Muslim world from Morocco to East Asia and the diaspora). The message is clear that individual churches do not have all the resources. May God use the very practical recommendations and examples to lead to further developments from the global church to the local church, for God’s glory.
I was grateful that the extreme challenges did not lead to soft-pedalling biblical teaching and the ideals of God’s design, nor was a rigid framework imposed. Rather grace, patience, love and support were promoted in support of teaching the ideal and developing contextual application.
Jim F., a veteran practitioner and discipler of Arab BMBs, specifically in marriage and family issues

All I can say is ‘Wow!’. This book is a gift by some of the most distinguished and experienced church leaders from the Islamic world to the global church. This work addresses one of the most important but neglected issues that has challenged the growing movement of BMBs for many decades. The authors provide us with deep biblical, theological and pastoral wisdom on the multifaceted challenges facing Christian marriages in the context of Islamic culture. I pray that this book will start a global conversation in the church of how we can learn from one another and join hands to strengthen Christian marriages for believers coming out of an Islamic context.
Rev Sasan Tavassoli (PhD), Senior Lecturer, Pars Theological Centre

Marriage is the bedrock of society, the crucible where the next generation is formed. It is a joy, a comfort, and a support, a model of Christ and his church, but sometimes also a place of pain, anger, fear, and despair. As this book shows, Jesus's followers from Muslim backgrounds face special issues. How do singles find spouses? How do the persecuted work through trauma to mental health? What is a God-honouring wedding and how much should it cost? How does a man balance between his mother and his wife? What if the government doesn't allow birth certificates for the children? How crucial is infertility? Who does the housework? Can men be vulnerable? Can women speak up honestly? Can gracefilled practices in our marriages draw on and display the strong, self-giving love of God?
Miriam Adeney (PhD), Associate Professor Emerita of World Christian Studies, Seattle Pacific University, Author, Daughters of Islam: Building Bridges with Muslim Women, and Afghan Mountain Faith: Stories of Justice, Beauty, and Relationships (with Rashid Aalish)

This book is a breath of fresh air in the literature addressing the lived realities of BMBs. With clarity and conviction, it explores the complex intersections of faith, culture, and marriage in contexts often overlooked by Western counselling models. The authors illuminate the emotional, psychological, and spiritual pressures BMB couples face – pressures shaped by communal expectations, gender roles, and the pain of rejection from both Muslim and Christian families.
This book does more than diagnose the challenges; it offers concrete, culturally attuned solutions. From navigating the role of the mother-in-law to addressing the need for protection and justice in contexts of persecution, the authors provide a roadmap for support, healing, and resilience. Counsellors, pastors, and anyone walking alongside BMB couples will find this an indispensable resource. It belongs on the shelf of every practitioner engaged in ministry among Muslim-background believers.
Rev. Roy Oksnevad (PhD), veteran cross-cultural ministry leader and mentor, Director of Muslim Ministries, EFCA All People Division

At last, we have a book that addresses the challenges facing BMBs. Its case studies powerfully illustrate unique regional differences, as well as the common problems, dangers, stresses and conflicts that arise in BMB marriages. Proposed solutions are not easy or simplistic yet are possible and practical. This book needs to be read and discussed by (1) any who are contemplating marriage as a BMB or to a BMB, (2) those who are already in a BMB marriage, and (3) those who are ministering to them or who are in churches with BMBs in the congregation. Though not its stated purpose, this book also provides topics, issues and resources that could be developed and offered as marriage seminars that connect to felt needs of many Muslims who are not yet following Christ.
Harley Talman, missiologist, researcher, co-editor of Understanding Insider Movements: Disciples of Jesus within Diverse Religious Communities

This book will break your heart. The structures that mark our fallenness in much of the majority world, including religious nationalism, domineering patriarchy, and the dark side of collectivism, make marriage after conversion even more difficult than it is normally. Yet heartbreak here is joined by hope. The same Holy Spirit who draws people to Christ also transforms family, gender, and community. This book is both testimony and response, evidence that church multiplication movements are sweeping across the Muslim world and a missional-pastoral reflection on the new challenges they create.
Wes Watkins (formerly Warrick Farah), Adjunct Professor,
Arab Baptist Theological Seminary, co-editor, Margins of Islam: Ministry in Diverse Muslim Contexts (2018)